What the World Needs Now is Love…and A Woman’s Touch

wecandoit

“We are standing in the vibration of a sacred prophecy. The prophecy tells us that consciousness is preparing the spirit of the feminine, the spirit of the grandmothers…” 13 Grandmothers Council

First things first, the intention of this post is not to stand on a social activists soap box, but rather to shed light on some things by questioning the norms. Here is the skinny: I believe the current state of our world is on the brink of a revolution. With our world being in the worst shape ever, people are challenging society norms and rebelling without a cause. One of the norms being challenged today is the evolution of women in the workplace. With more women stepping into leadership roles and multi-tasking their roles at home and in the workplace, I feel this is the perfect recipe for a revolution that may be looming on the horizon.

For as long as we can remember, men have always been the ones in positions of power, but that may not last much longer. We desperately need equality and balance in the world. Our universe strives and demands balance in order to operate properly, this is a notion that most of us know, but do not thoroughly understand. Less than 3% of America’s largest companies have female leaders and millennial women are still being paid less than men. As women rise to power, kicking old ways of thinking to the side, they are met with resistance and unreasonable expectations. Women are scrutinized for their looks, their decisions, and met with an insane amount of double standards. Today’s businesses still cater to men, it’s a boys club in which “the boys” have yet to advance with the times, leaving things unbalanced and unfair.

One of the biggest double standards to date is the notion that women are considered bossy or a bitch, when reaching roles of leadership. Women are unable to lead, manage, run a business, etc the same way as a man without often time, being considered “cold”. Why?

Additionally and a little separate from the issue above, I have found that some women are turning to their sexuality to do so. Yes, we all know how powerful a woman’s sexuality is; sex sells right? However, I feel like we are going about it the wrong way. Owning your sexuality is a badass and beautiful thing! But ask yourself, if you are truly doing it for you or if you’re trying to fill some insecurity/void by likes? The wannabe instagram models are a perfect example. There are SO many girls whose sole purpose of using Instgram is for validation from men to feel better about themselves. Like, deep deep down, posting a picture of your ass and tits out, while donning a snapchat filtered face screams “give me attention” , “tell me how hot I am”, which translates to “make me feel good”. Of course all of the thirsty guys will throw you some attention. Why not? They’ll throw anything with a vagina some attention. But why do you need their validation at all? Why would you want attention from that simple-minded of a guy? And to be honest, by doing that, we are still playing the game that men have us chained to. Needing their validation? Come on….As a woman, I am NOT here for your sexual pleasure, fantasies, etc. My purpose for existing is much more than that and I have so much more to offer.

Ok back to inequality in the workplace. For quite some time, we have been trying to prove that we are just as capable as men and can be just as successful as men, but even though it is the year 2014, women are still running into inequality in the workplace; it’s frustrating. But when we dumb ourselves down and turn to our sexuality as the only means to get ahead, we are actually holding ourselves back; we are not being respected by our fellow women and we damn sure aren’t being respected by men. When we do this, we are playing right into the “machine” that has oppressed women all these years and we are only receiving momentary power.

There is a notion that as women we should control our emotions, tone down our femininity (or at lease the traits that annoy men), turn up our sexuality, and think more like a man to be successful. That seems backward and confusing to me. If we want to move forward as women and be treated equal, then we need to act like women. Changing ourselves to act like men won’t give us the equality we desire; it’s counterproductive.  Why should men take us seriously if we are not taking ourselves seriously? Yes, we are women. We are emotional beings, we love easily, we can be sensitive, we over think things, we are complex by nature, but that doesn’t hinder our ability to be as successful as a man. Why are so many qualities of being a woman associated with weakness? It is someone else’s perception of weakness, but enough people need to have the insight to question the norm and ask why.

I truly believe women have always been revolutionaries, but in the coming years, I feel that the entire world will see just how progressive and innovative women are. Today, women are hungry and determined to show their ability to handle power, openly celebrating the liberation of women on the way. The term “feminist” has been thrown around, often being attached to any woman who voices her opinion on the equality of the sexes. But what exactly is feminism? Is it a woman dressed in butch, taking on every construction, plumbing, or drywall job with much success all while screaming for women’s rights while waiving around a sledgehammer? Is it a Peta-loving, vegan-eating, woman dressed in all natural and recyclable clothing, swearing off all relations with men until women earn the same pay wage as men? No, that is not a feminist. By definition, a feminist is a person who believes that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. This includes social, political, and economic equality for both men and women. So why the hate, slander and stereotyping? Shouldn’t we all believe in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes? My opinion is because people fear it, they shame it. If there was equality in our world, that would be a change and people fear change.

With liberation movements like Ban Bossy and days like International Women’s Day, I hope that women continue to find the strength necessary to kick through society’s “double-standard-doors” and change the world by adding their feminine touch, creating balance in our universe. The same ol’ way is not working anymore. The men in power have been leading us through wars, fights, lies, greed, and placing their own ego above the needs of other people.

The world needs love; it needs a feminine spirit and the necessary poise between men and women. I hope women everywhere embrace their inner boss and stay true to themselves, celebrating and owning being a woman. We are masterful multi-taskers, built to withstand stressors and pressures both physically and mentally that men cannot even fathom. We don’t have anything to prove…we birth boys for crying out loud and teach them how to be men! I am not sure at what age we began getting the notion in our head that we have to be more like men in order to be successful, but that is a lie. Being a woman is more than enough. If we want equality, we need to restore the femininity back into our girls and it all starts with us.

Now,  I’ll leave you in the hands of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, the woman who enlightened us on Beyonce’s, “Flawless” song…because duh.

“We teach girls to shrink themselves
To make themselves smaller
We say to girls,
“You can have ambition
But not too much
You should aim to be successful
But not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man.”
Because I am female
I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices
Always keeping in mind that
Marriage is the most important
Now marriage can be a source of
Joy and love and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage
And we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments
Which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings
In the way that boys are
Feminist: the person who believes in the social
Political, and economic equality of the sexes”

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International Women’s Day

womens-day

Disclaimer: I am not bashing men and I apologize if it comes off that way. I believe in equality, I don’t find one sex better than the other or one sex weaker than the other. I love my men and appreciate my men! Today though, is all about women…girl power! 🙂

In honor of International Women’s Day, I am finally writing a post about women. I have been wanting to write one for quite some time now, but haven’t been able to find the time.For the last couple weeks, who we are as women, has been a question that has been plaguing me everyday. In one of my classes at FIDM, we are required to come to class every week with a “leader in the news” and speak about their life, their leadership qualities, and their impact on the world. We have been doing this for the past 10 weeks, and I have noticed that majority of our leaders have been men. There were some women mentioned like Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, and Oprah, but majority of the women mentioned were celebrities. I am not knocking celebrities as actual leaders, but I found it a little sad that collectively, we were struggling to find women leaders within our world who aren’t celebrities. One day I logged onto my Instagram and in true modern-day stalker fashion, I somehow found myself on pages of people I didn’t even know and I jumped from page to page of all these different girls, examining their lives through their Instagram. There was this common trend among them all…their pages looked something like this: Quotes about haters, bitches, “chasin paper”, “think like a man, act like a bitch” (yes I’ve actually seen this), extreme narcissism, and a lot of negativity often focused on bashing other women. I kept wondering, “Do these girls ever strive to stimulate themselves intellectually? Or do their lives revolve around social media and seeking the attention of followers they don’t even know?” I not only found myself exhausted by all of the negative energy on their pages, but also worried about our generation of women. Everyone is calling everyone a “basic”, but they are all exactly like each other…in reality they should all be besties :/ . Another sad factor to me was that I found that the Real Housewives of [whatever], Basketball Wives, and all the other similar women on similar shows have become the role models of our generation and the generations after us. They often turn these TV shows into a lucrative career for themselves and capitalize on the 15 minutes they get. I am not knocking their hustle, I get it. I just feel the way women are going about it, is all wrong. The thing is, I feel that most of us women want the same thing, equality. For quite some time, we have been trying to prove that we are just as capable as men and can be just as successful as men, but even though it is the year 2014, women are still running into inequality in the workplace; its frustrating. But when we dumb ourselves down and turn to our sexuality as the only means to get ahead, we are actually holding ourselves back; we are not being respected by our fellow women and we damn sure aren’t being respected by men. They are not viewing us as equals in the workplace, they are viewing us as….well….do I really need to say it? We are playing right into the “machine” that has oppressed women all these years. Objectifying ourselves and using our sexuality, as a way to gain power and control doesn’t get us taken more seriously as women; it only gives us momentary power. And in addition, putting each other down and hurting each other doesn’t help us either, we need to unite. 

As women we all can use our sexuality to get ahead, it doesn’t take any real talent, but how does that prove anything? It doesn’t. For some reason, there is this notion that as women we need to not show any emotion, tone down our feminine qualities, turn up our sexuality, and act more like a man to be successful. That seems backwards to me…and confusing. If we want to move forward as women and be treated equal, then we need to act like women. Changing ourselves to act like men won’t give us the equality we desire; it’s counterproductive.  Why should men take us serious if we are not taking ourselves serious? Yes, we are women. We are emotional beings, we love easily, we can be sensitive, we over think things, we are complex by nature, but that doesn’t hinder our ability to be as successful as a man. Why are so many qualities of being a woman associated with weakness? It is someone else’s perception of weakness, but enough people need to have the insight to question the norm and ask why. Don’t just jump on the bandwagon. Being emotional isn’t weak. I find it beautiful. To be easily moved by the people, places, and things put in your life and to be able to connect with them on a deeper level is a beautiful thing. When you are emotional, there is a sense of empathy that is existent in every aspect of your life, and having empathy towards others is not only essential in successful relationships, but essential in being a successful leader. I feel as women, we have inherent qualities and traits that are made for leading. We silently lead everyday, whether it be in our households, families, schools, relationships, etc. We are masterful multi-taskers and God built us to withstand stressors and pressures both physically and mentally that men cannot even fathom. We don’t have anything to prove…we pop boys out of our vaginas for crying out loud and teach them how to be men! 😉 I am not sure at what age we begin getting the notion in our head that we have to be more like men in order to be successful, but that is a lie. If we want equality, we need to restore the femininity back into our girls. Screaming for women’s rights or claiming feminism while stripping ourselves of our authentic femininity will never give us the equality we desire. 

“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy-washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.” – Zooey Deschanel

 

Please check out my friend Nicole’s blog post,  Why I Believe Women Will Be the Next RevolutionariesIt is totally brilliant. Her view on oppression of women all over the world gave her the eventual insight on how optimistic our future can be if we just learn to forgive and love.