Settling in…

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So I wore this lil outfit to the cover release party for Annex Magazine, featuring Karrueche Tran and Don Benjamin. I have ALWAYS wanted to work for a magazine; it is my dream job – second to being a rock star. One of my girlfriends (who works for the magazine) invited me to the party and I was able to see what she does first hand. By the end of the night, I had worked some networking in, did a lil dancing, and probably drank a tad too much, but nonetheless, I had a blast! The next day I decided to apply to work at the magazine and am now the newest member! I finally feel like I am settling into Los Angeles. I can get around without using my navigation system, I have developed a close group of friends and networks, and I am genuinely comfortable here. I recently moved from downtown L.A. to Hollywood and love it! Now that I have this amazing internship, on top of starting my second year at an amazing school, and I am settled into my new home,  I feel like I can take a deep breath and take time to be proud of myself. I am sincerely happy. My life feels like it is gaining momentum and moving in a very positive direction! Cheers to chasing your dreams!

 

My outfit is another great deal from Forever 21:

Jacket Forever 21 Romper Forever 21 Shoes Jeffrey Campbell Necklace J.Crew Belt Urban Outfitters Sunglasses Ray-Bans Purse H&M

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International Women’s Day

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Disclaimer: I am not bashing men and I apologize if it comes off that way. I believe in equality, I don’t find one sex better than the other or one sex weaker than the other. I love my men and appreciate my men! Today though, is all about women…girl power! 🙂

In honor of International Women’s Day, I am finally writing a post about women. I have been wanting to write one for quite some time now, but haven’t been able to find the time.For the last couple weeks, who we are as women, has been a question that has been plaguing me everyday. In one of my classes at FIDM, we are required to come to class every week with a “leader in the news” and speak about their life, their leadership qualities, and their impact on the world. We have been doing this for the past 10 weeks, and I have noticed that majority of our leaders have been men. There were some women mentioned like Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, and Oprah, but majority of the women mentioned were celebrities. I am not knocking celebrities as actual leaders, but I found it a little sad that collectively, we were struggling to find women leaders within our world who aren’t celebrities. One day I logged onto my Instagram and in true modern-day stalker fashion, I somehow found myself on pages of people I didn’t even know and I jumped from page to page of all these different girls, examining their lives through their Instagram. There was this common trend among them all…their pages looked something like this: Quotes about haters, bitches, “chasin paper”, “think like a man, act like a bitch” (yes I’ve actually seen this), extreme narcissism, and a lot of negativity often focused on bashing other women. I kept wondering, “Do these girls ever strive to stimulate themselves intellectually? Or do their lives revolve around social media and seeking the attention of followers they don’t even know?” I not only found myself exhausted by all of the negative energy on their pages, but also worried about our generation of women. Everyone is calling everyone a “basic”, but they are all exactly like each other…in reality they should all be besties :/ . Another sad factor to me was that I found that the Real Housewives of [whatever], Basketball Wives, and all the other similar women on similar shows have become the role models of our generation and the generations after us. They often turn these TV shows into a lucrative career for themselves and capitalize on the 15 minutes they get. I am not knocking their hustle, I get it. I just feel the way women are going about it, is all wrong. The thing is, I feel that most of us women want the same thing, equality. For quite some time, we have been trying to prove that we are just as capable as men and can be just as successful as men, but even though it is the year 2014, women are still running into inequality in the workplace; its frustrating. But when we dumb ourselves down and turn to our sexuality as the only means to get ahead, we are actually holding ourselves back; we are not being respected by our fellow women and we damn sure aren’t being respected by men. They are not viewing us as equals in the workplace, they are viewing us as….well….do I really need to say it? We are playing right into the “machine” that has oppressed women all these years. Objectifying ourselves and using our sexuality, as a way to gain power and control doesn’t get us taken more seriously as women; it only gives us momentary power. And in addition, putting each other down and hurting each other doesn’t help us either, we need to unite. 

As women we all can use our sexuality to get ahead, it doesn’t take any real talent, but how does that prove anything? It doesn’t. For some reason, there is this notion that as women we need to not show any emotion, tone down our feminine qualities, turn up our sexuality, and act more like a man to be successful. That seems backwards to me…and confusing. If we want to move forward as women and be treated equal, then we need to act like women. Changing ourselves to act like men won’t give us the equality we desire; it’s counterproductive.  Why should men take us serious if we are not taking ourselves serious? Yes, we are women. We are emotional beings, we love easily, we can be sensitive, we over think things, we are complex by nature, but that doesn’t hinder our ability to be as successful as a man. Why are so many qualities of being a woman associated with weakness? It is someone else’s perception of weakness, but enough people need to have the insight to question the norm and ask why. Don’t just jump on the bandwagon. Being emotional isn’t weak. I find it beautiful. To be easily moved by the people, places, and things put in your life and to be able to connect with them on a deeper level is a beautiful thing. When you are emotional, there is a sense of empathy that is existent in every aspect of your life, and having empathy towards others is not only essential in successful relationships, but essential in being a successful leader. I feel as women, we have inherent qualities and traits that are made for leading. We silently lead everyday, whether it be in our households, families, schools, relationships, etc. We are masterful multi-taskers and God built us to withstand stressors and pressures both physically and mentally that men cannot even fathom. We don’t have anything to prove…we pop boys out of our vaginas for crying out loud and teach them how to be men! 😉 I am not sure at what age we begin getting the notion in our head that we have to be more like men in order to be successful, but that is a lie. If we want equality, we need to restore the femininity back into our girls. Screaming for women’s rights or claiming feminism while stripping ourselves of our authentic femininity will never give us the equality we desire. 

“Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy-washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.” – Zooey Deschanel

 

Please check out my friend Nicole’s blog post,  Why I Believe Women Will Be the Next RevolutionariesIt is totally brilliant. Her view on oppression of women all over the world gave her the eventual insight on how optimistic our future can be if we just learn to forgive and love. 

 

When in Hollywood…

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My friend Cecilia lives in Hollywood and I spend a lot of time there. A lot of our pictures are taken in Hollywood and I never cease to be amused by all the loonies there. I actually get quite grossed out by Hollywood lol, well the part where the tourists are and there are strung out Marilyn Monroe’s and Spiderman’s every 5 steps. Ew. I tend to over analyze everything. I am constantly observing everything around me and analyzing the situation. While Cecilia and I were walking the Hollywood strip dodging the homeless, the street performers, the fake celebrities, tourists, break dance groups, etc, my mind was racing. I felt a sense of loneliness, despite being among thousands of people. My first thought and thought I have every time, was “Does this really work for people?”  and then a string of thoughts ensued…”Do people really make a good enough living by putting on these little performances or putting on a dirty batman costume and taking pics with poor 5 year olds who don’t know any better?” “Is it the high in it all?…the attention of feeling like a “somebody” among a city of headliners?” After these questions raced through my mind, one resounding word echoed in my mind…lonliness. Everyone is trying to be a better version of themselves or at least trying to convince everyone else that they are (especially in Hollywood). People want to feel and look important (once again, especially in Hollywood), so people escape from the realities of their lives to drugs, make-believe, fantasy, and whatever the hell else they do in their spare time. It is sad. It is L.A. It is our society. But the journey along the way to wherever they are trying to get to is very lonely. As I looked at the variety of talented and talented-less people, all I could see was the part of themselves that returns home at the end of the night. They most likely return to a small, dark studio, take off all of the ridiculous make up, stare at themselves in the mirror just long enough to reflect back on the person they were before moving to this town, wondering when exactly it was they lost themselves and if it is too late to throw in the towel; But before they entertain these thoughts any longer, they preoccupy their mind with “the dream”; the dream of making it big someday and that if they just wait it out a little longer, all of the struggles, embarrassment, exiles, and loneliness will be well worth it. And if not….well this is their life now. They couldn’t possibly return back to that small town they grew up in. It is better to be among the excitement and wonders of L.A. than anywhere else. I could be totally off and my idea of what kind of lives these people live is totally far-fetched, but I feel I have some sort of empathetic understanding because I can relate. I may not be standing off of Hollywood and Highland  dressed up as a tan skinned Marilyn Monroe, but I did move out to Los Angeles to pursue my dream of working in the fashion industry. It is not any different from the people on Hollywood Blvd or anyone in L.A. for that matter. I find myself getting annoyed by listening to every waiter and retail associate tell me how they are working on a movie, a book, working in fashion, they party with celebrities, blah blah blah. But, that is what this city is all about and even though it annoys me at times, I admire the hustle in everyone. Some people come out here and get wrapped up in the glitz and glam  and the name dropping and end up living a life of perception (looking important without being important), but some people move out here and actually make shit happen and I respect that, it takes discipline. Here I am with a blog among thousands and thousands of other bloggers so I really have no room to talk. However, I do plan to back up my talk. I plan on doing something and not just living a life of perception. It is still so weird for me to stand in front of a camera and take pictures, but I understand that a blog is the best way to represent yourself (especially in the fashion world). I can take this to an employer and say “This is me!” “I picked my outfits, I picked my locations, I picked my style, this is my writing style, this is my personality….this is me!” How cool is that?! When I was 11 years old, I sketched out my own fashion magazine and debuted a new girl on the cover every month with new cover topics as well. It was a magazine that celebrated women. I have always enjoyed writing and find that it is my outlet. The fact that we live in a society now where we can get paid to work in social media and get paid to blog is [pardon my french] fucking awesome!! I am taking advantage of this while I can. I have no idea if my blog will do well, but it is a great outlet and a representation of me; It is mine and that’s good enough reason for me to do it. 

There are days where, like the Hollywood performers, I come home, take my makeup off and stare in the mirror wondering what the hell I am doing. It can all be very lonely. I feel like sometimes I am making my life harder than it needs to be, but then I realize what a stupid notion that is and if I lived my life in my comfort zone, I would forever regret it. I have had this vision for myself since I was little girl and its scary (but totally rad) that I am here pursuing it. I joined the military in hopes of gaining the tuition assistance to attend FIDM in Los Angeles someday and here I am doing it. It is kinda like a higher force is guiding me. Sometimes I don’t even know if I am the one making these decisions. I made them all so irrationally. I joined the Air Force knowing nothing about it except they pay for school. I didn’t even know if I would get accepted into FIDM, or if FIDM was covered under the GI Bill (Thank God [literally] that it was), I had actually started to change my mind on going to FIDM while I was stationed in Oklahoma City. I decided to reenlist, get married, and stay in Oklahoma City. I felt it was the safer route. Then my mom got sick and I had to relocate to California to take care of her. Deep down, I felt this gravitational pull that it  was meant for me to come back to California. Of course, it was 100% about my mother when I returned, but I also found it ironic that as soon as I had let go of the idea of ever going back home or to FIDM, I found myself back home and FIDM was once again on the table. I had desperately wanted to come back the first few years of my enlistment, dragging my feet the whole time to every new state I lived in. I even applied to get out of the military early which they approved, and then I applied to FIDM, and I got accepted, but when it came time to leave the Air Force, I panicked. My mom was up in arms that I was not fulfilling my contract to the Air Force and she was right, I took an oath and I needed to fulfill my end of the deal. The whole back and forth decision about FIDM and the military was exhausting and when it was all said and done, I finally released my hold on California and FIDM and just accepted where I was at. I felt I had a good enough life, I was living the “American Dream”. I had security, something the rest of the nation was desperate over. I was engaged, living in a brand new 3 bedroom house (bigger than my moms), I had a new car, I was pursuing my degree for free, I could retire at 38! I had a promising future, and was excelling exceptionally fast at work. Still though, like clockwork, every single night before I went to bed, I imagined what my life would be like if I took a chance and pursued my dream. The thought would paralyze me with fear. Everything would change. I fought with myself internally for months, sometimes crying myself to sleep or lashing out at my fiance due to feeling resentment towards him. I kinda laugh when I look back at it now because if you care about something that much, you go after it. There is a reason you feel that way, it’s who you are and you are happiest when you stay true to who you are. Ironically enough, when I had to move back to California, I didn’t want to. I had already accepted that FIDM and California was not an option for me and while my mom never supported me leaving the military to work in fashion, right before she passed away, she saw my first blog that  I had created back in 2011 and changed her mind. She genuinely had no idea how passionate I was about fashion and for the first time, supported me leaving the military to pursue my dream. That was all I needed to move forward. I get excited when I imagine my life 5 years from now, because I wonder where I will be and what I will be doing. Following your dreams is such a beautiful thing. It is one of the beautiful rides of life. I encourage everyone to just do it. Don’t let fear paralyze you and dictate your life. Take control.

So…Yeah…..my post had nothing to do with my pictures, but it was on my heart so I figured I would talk about it. Dreams, love, struggles, intuition, dogma, purpose, etc are all topics I can talk about forever. I may only be 24, but I have gone through more things in my life than most people will ever go though. I am an old soul and wise beyond my years. Sometimes I purposely act out because I just wanna be stupid and immature, which I genuinely am sometimes. I still have a lot to learn about this thing called life, but God has also revealed a lot to me about life, starting at a young age. I may be young, but I think I get it….maybe 😉 

Ok, so onto the important stuff….what I’m wearing. 

Headband Urban Outfitters Top Madewell Jeans Madewell Bag Victoria Leather Co (got it in Mammoth, CA), Shoes Zara, Sunglasses Cheap Monday, Necklaces Dogeared Jewelry and Urban Outfitters

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the late Steve Jobs, it’s very fitting: 

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs

Pardon my absence…

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Ok, its been like-what? 3 weeks since my last confession? lol I kid. But it has been about 3 weeks since my last post, which is pretty unacceptable. In my defense, I have moved down to the City of Angels and started at FIDM (a fashion institute) and my life has been crazy crazy crazy. I am a small town girl (city girl at heart tho) and so it has been quite the adjustment for me. It is fast paced and confusing for me at times. Just last week I managed to get to school and back without using my TOM TOM; “feeling accomplished” as my Facebook may state. I love my tiny little studio. It overlooks downtown and the community pool. It is crazy to think that I somehow managed to downsize my things from a 3 bedroom house to a studio. I thought I was going to absolutely hate living in such small quarters, since I have only lived in houses, but I LOVE it! Its less to clean, less to be afraid of after watching pretty little liars, and less chance of me feeling lonely. I live completely by myself and since I just moved to L.A. a few weeks ago, its safe to say I’m kinda a loner. In due time people will see what an awesome person I am, in due time 😉

So, now that I am all settled in, internet up and working, its time for me to get to posting about some of my FAVORITE things! 🙂